Life has changed so drastically since the boys were born.
Well, there’s a certain amount of change you expect. You can never really prepare for it if you’ve never had children. But you know your world is going to be turned upside down. And maybe spun all the way around a few times.
But our story — my story — is a bit different. We’ve been through so much, even in just the past year. I can’t talk about all of it, but it involves loss of a job, learning more than I ever wanted to know about government assistance (WIC! Food Stamps! Medicaid!), loss of my dad, and finding our way out of such brutal hell.
If it sounds like I’m being dramatic, well, I am. Because it was. We were fighting for our lives. For our home. For our children to never be aware of what all was going on. And through it all, I lost myself. Now that we seem to be on the upswing, it’s time to get real about getting back to the person I want to be.
Not the person who weighs as much as she did when going into labor with two large-for-gestational-age babies. Not the person who is so ashamed of who she’s become — physically, mentally, emotionally — that she can’t even look herself in the mirror. So ashamed that I’ve stopped writing, stopped trying to connect, stopped engaging.
It’s time for another change.
I used to have a goal of writing every day. That shit is just too lofty for me. So, dear reader(s?), it is my goal to write a little something every week. Whether it’s about my new adventures as a veterinary technician assistant, my journey to lose like 50 pounds, or the eight flies I’ve killed in the course of 10 minutes (stupid yard work letting flies follow me into the house) … it’ll be something.