I’m changing things up this week. Instead of writing about the specific successes and setbacks of the week, I wanted to write a little bit about my reason for doing this. The fitness plan, the nutrition plan, the writing… there’s a reason for it.
Despite the technical goal of this program, I’m not doing this all to lose a certain amount of weight or get down to a certain size. Sure, I have those ideal numbers and sizes in the back of my head, but it’s not going to be a failure if I don’t quite hit them. This program is more about my brain than my body.
I hate the word “diet.” I’m not doing this because I like being on a diet. That’s why I’m usually quick to call it a nutrition and exercise program. It’s not about restricting calories or carbs or whatever else people are doing these days. It’s about making good swaps and utilizing “superfoods.” It’s about changing my mindset when it comes to food.
More importantly, the ultimate goal is to change mindset when it comes to me. As with basically my whole life now, my reason for doing this is three-part: Daniel, Lucas and Henry. I want to get back to being the confident, healthy person I used to be once upon a time. It was a fleeting time, but it was magical and I’d like my kids to know that person.
A little background
When I was a kid, I was I was the chubby kid sister and there were no shortages of people to point that out to me. One family member even said I was looking round one day when we went to visit. What kind of crap is that to say to pre-teen girl? Or really to anyone ever.
Needless to say, I grew up with a lot of body image issues and self-confidence issues. I could pontificate about all the ways that impacted me throughout my high school and college years (and even some time after college), but no one has time to read that kind of dissertation. Suffice to say that I’m acutely aware of how these things can impact a kid for long after childhood.
My reason for being
In the months before I got pregnant, I had gotten into a really good place physically and mentally. I managed to carry that through my pregnancy. And then post-partum life put all of that in the toilet. My head wasn’t on straight for at least a dozen reasons, and I needed to focus more on securing my mental health than my physical shape.
The two years or so after the boys were born, we struggled. A lot. Which you probably already know. But now we are back to a somewhat more even keel and things aren’t so dire (knocking on wood here). So that’s why I chose now to try to get myself back on the path to health.
The end goal
I want to shake as much of my body image and self-confidence issues as I can now so that my kids don’t think those kinds of things are normal and OK. I want my husband to have a happy wife. Not because of “happy wife, happy life” in the stereotypical sense. In the true sense that if we aren’t happy first with ourselves, how can we be happy with each other?
So yes, I post progress photos every week. And I write about how much weight I’ve lost (or gained) during the week. Or how well I stuck to the exercise routine and meal plan. Because those are tangible things that are easy to detail. But really, the goal is to feel less petrified to post those pictures, or even less petrified about the original before being up for the world to see.